There were days when I would feel so
lost. So confused. So unsure. I looked around me and couldn’t seem to understand
what everyone else was thinking about. What everyone else was smiling about, I couldn’t
seem to relate. Sometimes I would wonder how I was born into the same world as
these others. These happy others who seemed to have no overwhelming worries; no
unfortunate restrictions, no immediate ‘problems’.
But one day it hit me. I had to
remember who I was, what I wanted and what it would feel like when I wouldn’t
be in this blur. This painful uneasiness that would engross me on the cold
winter nights wouldn’t last forever and I had to remind myself of that. I try
to remember what led me to this realization. What was I doing? Who did I
confide in?
But in all honesty I remember, I
remember it was just me. It was just me on those nights when I would stay up
all night writing. Nothing in particular – just my thoughts, whatever they were
as they whizzed through my mind. Things became clear, things became clean and I
understood what everyone was smiling about. They were smiling about all the
goodness in the world. All the happiness and all the beauty. I had been so
focused on wanting to be ‘happy’, to enjoy life, to feel fulfilled that I was missing
the bigger picture. I was missing all that was important. I had to learn: to
live in the moment, to look at the world as it was now and not how it would be
one day when I reached that distant ‘goal’ of mine and to appreciate everything
I had. It was only at this point when I turned to myself and assessed that I
realised this.
Having read this you’re probably
wondering who then was the inspiration of this confession or how does this
relate to the given subject and my answer is, I’ll leave that choice to you. It
could easily be seen that all those ‘happy’ people I was intrigued by were my
inspiration, the way in which their smiles made me want to reach their same
level of happiness; however just as easily I could say that the power of
writing and words were my inspiration and truly allowed me to explore myself
and truly become the person I am today.
